


Square One

by natsaprat



Category: Asking Alexandria
Genre: Depression, Drugs, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Gen, Past Child Abuse, References to Drugs, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:29:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6536977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsaprat/pseuds/natsaprat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie Sanders is 16 and troubled. After a childhood of torment and abuse, her foster parents send her away to live with their family, being forced to start again. Due to the move, Charlie meets a group of people she wouldn't usually associate herself with. A group of reckless youths that do nothing but find themselves in trouble with their parents, their school and the police. But something about that entices her. Something about him draws her in. Danny. Will she stick to what she knows and keep herself to herself? Or will she break bad and follow him into the world of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yorkshire Bound

_Charlie's POV_  
  
The station was unbearably noisy; people going about their normal lives whilst there was me, my own life about to be thrown upside down. I was young; 16, being chucked out of my foster parents’ home to live with their family in York. I’d only met them once or twice and they seemed nice.. nicer than Mick, my foster Dad, anyway... That and they were never gonna be there; they’re rich as fuck and are always travelling so I’d basically have the bungalow to myself, which was both a good and bad thing; great because there was no one to hide from, no one to sneak around, bad because I would be alone and that was never a good idea. Being alone meant no reason to stop myself, nothing to stop the destruction.  
  
I was torn from my daydreaming by Zoe, my all-time best friend, cupping my shoulder. It made me jump out of my skin (places like this always made me a nervous wreck.) It made me look towards her, only to snap my head away again. It was too fucking painful. She was the best thing in my life and I was being forced away from her. In reality, it killed to be leaving any of them. Zoe, Katy, Becky, Sian. They were all I had. They were the reason I wasn’t dead yet and I knew this hurt them just as much as it hurt me.  
  
“Char.. it’s time for you to go...” Katy whispered, making Zoe sob a little beside me. Katy was always so much like a mother. After looking after her drug-abusing, waste-of-space of a mum, you kind’ve expected it; she looked after everyone.  
  
“Okay...” I barely whispered, my back still to all of them, looking out to the station. All of a sudden, Zoe wrapped her long, slim arms around my shoulders and continued to sob into my shirt, bringing on tears of my own and I couldn’t take that. I couldn’t be seen so weak. “Zo, stop.. I’ve gotta go,” I pushed her off, “I love you all,” I said, picking up my bags and looking back over my shoulder to my only friends, “I’ll see you soon,” I fake-smiled, hoping it’d cheer them up enough to let me go. For a moment, I even let my eyes drift up to their faces, only to be snapped shut again as they cried.  
  
I began my walk away, luggage and tickets in hand. “You better keep in touch, you lazy fuck,” I heard Zoe call from behind the barriers. It made me smile lightly, despite the wash of tears cascading down my cheeks.  
  
As I made my way up, along the platform and onto the train heading to the other side of the country, every step felt like I was dying, like a piece of my former self escaped with every movement. The most frightening aspect of all this was, I was doing this alone. I’d suffered in silence for so long, I thought this would be a breeze but really this was harder than anything I’d done and I’d survived some pretty fucking horrendous things by anyone’s standards. It was all because of those 4 girls; the only people that ever cared. Ever since they’d found out what happened to me, things had gotten easier. I no longer thought they didn’t want to know. I no longer thought they’d leave me. I no longer thought I was alone... until now because now all of that was being destroyed. That stability, that slow recovery was being crushed. I had to start again. Square One. Afraid, alone, and a danger to herself... Queue the long, lonely travel to York City.


	2. Home?

I’d been on this train for 3 fucking hours. Swindon to London was alright, to be fair, but ever since I swapped it’d been awful.

There’s a kid 4 booths away that won’t shut the fuck up, its mum’s just sat on her phone, giving me dirty looks. I’d hoped that having my earphones in would drown out the wails a bit but it didn’t.

Luckily for me, they got off at Peterborough and by the time we got to York, I pretty much had the carriage to myself, which was good; gave me a bit of time to collect myself, ready to get off and get the bus.

Despite that, we stopped way too quickly. All of a sudden, my pulse quickened and my palms began to sweat. My breath was short as I tried to stand up and get off of the train. As quickly as I could, I rushed to get my bags off and away from the huge group of people on the platform. I followed the signs to get out of the station and into the city. Once there, I had the job of finding the bus station. Luckily for me, Katy managed to print a York City map for me before I left; I was so useless and she was so great at helping me out, I’d be completely lost without her. These next few years are gonna be fucking tough without her telling me what to do, as much as I hate to say it.

I rummaged through my rucksack and found the paper. It was ripped in places and so damn crumpled, I could hardly read the fucker. Eventually, I found where I was and found the bus station.

Luckily for me, it was only round the corner so I didn’t have to be in plain view for too long.

I got to the bus station and just stood outside for a little bit; holy shit there was a lot of people. How the fuck was I supposed to get my fat ass through all those people with my bags as well? And I was going to have to fucking talk to someone for once. What bus was I supposed to get? What ticket did I want? What was the stop called? It was all way too much; I ended up leant against the brick wall watching the buses leave.

It was then I noticed one of the buses roll in had the town name ‘Dunnington’ underneath it. I ran. I never ran, but I ran. That’s where I needed to go. That’s where Joan and John live. As I got to the bus, people were just filing on. Eventually, it was my turn and I pretty much fell apart. I stood staring at the step onto the bus.

“You alright, kiddo? Where d’you wanna get?” the driver asked in a think Yorkshire accent. I seemed to just go into panic stations. My face was hot, my neck was sweating, there were tears in my eyes, my hands were sweating, and I couldn’t form words.

“D-D-D..” I tried again, getting angry at myself for being such a useless twat, “D-Dunnington,” I finally got out.

He smiled widely, “well, you’ve got the right bus. What’s the address?” I told him the address as I made the slow step onto the bus along with my bags. “Alright, kiddo, I’m Pete, I’ll be your driver,” he smiled again, making me a little more comfortable, “you’re gonna want to get off at the Horse and Crown stop to get to where your heading, alright?” I nodded, “once you’re there, the address you’re looking for is just around the corner,” he smiled finally before turning around and reversing out of the bay.

“Th-Thank you!” I called before finding a seat near the front. Once we got moving, my pulse began to slow down again and I could breathe. The bus seemed to be filled with O.A.Ps which was just grand. Looked like I’d be spending the next two years of my life surrounded by old biddies. Even if I was the kind of person to want to have a party, I couldn’t in fear of giving one a fucking heart attack. Although, something about it made me more comfortable; older people were much easier to talk to than kids my own age...

“Are you okay now, deary, you looked a bit scared just now,” the old woman sat across the aisle said to me, patting my knee. I jumped a bit; I hated people touching me but as I realised this woman was in her nineties and was more likely to hurt herself than me if she tried attacking me, I calmed down.

“Yeah.. just.. new place,” I told her, trying not to look at her to avoid another panic attack.

“Oh.. I was going to say, you certainly don’t sound like you’re from here,” she smiled, putting her quaint hands back in her lap. “Well, this is my stop,” she said, desperately trying to pull herself up from the chair. I assisted her until she was on her feet, “oh, thank you, deary, have fun, won’t you?” she asked, holding my arm and smiling.

“I will,” I told her, meekly.

“Good,” she croaked, patting my shoulder before very slowly making her way towards the doors.

After that encounter, time seemed to fly by; once I was more comfortable, I was fine. Then the bus stopped without anyone pressing the bell; I was the last one on the bus and I had no idea where I was supposed to stop.

“Oi, kiddo, this is you,” Pete called, “you want me to help with some of those bags?” he offered as I got up from my seat and started taking my luggage from the luggage compartment.

“No, I’ll be alright, you’re still working,” I huffed as I heaved my suitcase down and wrapped my rucksack over my shoulder.

“Okay.. if you’re sure,” he smiled, waving me goodbye as I got off the bus. From there, I just had to wander round the corner. As soon as I was in the street, I recognised it. I’d only visited once before but I could see where I was. I made my way down the road until I stood outside the bungalow, looking at it aimlessly. It was pitch black outside so it wasn’t like anyone could see me. I was pulled back to reality as something vibrated on my right ass cheek.

I pulled out my phone to realise it was a text from Joan, my foster-mum’s cousin’s wife, I believe. It was all so complicated I never gave it the time of day to try and understand it. My entire life was so damn fucked up I just went through it pretending it wasn’t really happening. The text read:

J: Hello, Charlie. You’re in Dunnington by now, no doubt. They key to the bungalow is with Barry in the big house across the road. See you soon.

Great. More human interaction. Why couldn’t they just do that all-american shit and put the spare key under the mat; it’s not like there’s enough people in this shithole to steal anything anyway.  
Before I could even think about what to do next, there was a tap on my shoulder. I screamed as I spun around to see a stocky bloke stood behind me, terrified.

“No no no, don’t worry! I’m Barry! You must be John’s cousin!” he called, trying to calm me down. I looked at him confused before I nodded. “Right.. he asked me to just keep an eye out for you because you probably wouldn’t like to knock the door so,” he smiled as if that didn’t make me feel like a useless piece of junk. “That and he asked me to work the heater and show you around for you.”

“Alright,” I coughed as I went to pick my suitcase up but was beaten by him swiping it up before me, giving me a wide, cheesy grin. I didn’t like him. Too fucking friendly.

As we entered, Barry was talking and I was ignoring. Nothing he was saying was setting in, I was too interested in getting in. He babbled on about the boiler settings, showed me around, not that there was much to show; it was a fricking bungalow. The only bit that did interest me was the TV, pile f takeout places and the personal bar, stacked with all sorts – whiskey, wine, gin, vodka; that’ll keep me alive and kicking.

“Okay, anything else you need, just hop over and ask,” Barry assured me, pulling me away from playing with the hula doll on the bar. I nodded quickly before his annoying, smiling face just left the building.

Then, the oddest thing happened; I missed him a little bit. I was alone. Well and truly alone. The other side of the country to everyone that I know and love. Me vs. The World.


	3. To College

I shot up in my bed. Panting and shaking. Damn nightmares. I glanced at the alarm clock that sat on the bedside table which I obviously forgot to set due to waking up late for my first day at my new college. Fuck.

I threw the quilt off of my legs and onto the floor as I ran to the shower. I undressed as quickly as I could and turned the water on, stepping in. It was fuckin’ freezing. I must have to turn the boiler on before I shower goddammit. Why did I not listen to the podgy bloke yesterday? I caught a glimpse of the razor that was left in the shower. The urges boiled up inside me. My breathing got heavier as my heart pounded faster, tears creeping out of my eyes and warming my blank face. My guts churned and my insides began to rise into my throat before spewing out of my mouth and onto my feet. Anger at myself broke through as I punched the wall beside me, causing a few of the old wall tiles to fall.

I let my feet wash before getting out of the shower, putting my jeans that were torn to shit on and just one of my Pantera shirts on as I quickly did make-up and grabbed my bag that just contained a can of energy drink and some paperwork that I needed for the college.

I paused in the kitchen, contemplating food. My stomach churned again and I quickly decided that that was not a good idea this morning. I left the bungalow, quickly realising that I was not in Wiltshire anymore and it was bloody cold out. I grabbed my old, thick, black sweatshirt from the side and slid it over my head before locking the door and heading out. It didn’t take long to get to the bus stop.

After yesterday, I presumed all the drivers were nice and welcoming but this dude looked me up and down, sighed and looked away. I put my change into the little box thing and he printed my ticket without a word. Luckily, this time of the morning, the bus was empty. I sat in the same seat I had last night and exhaled, kind’ve glad to be out of the house.

The blissful quiet of the Yorkshire countryside ended soon as we started seeing more of the city. My pulse quickened as more and more people appeared. By the time the bus stopped at the station, I could barely breathe. Quickly pushing my way through the crowds and crowds of people, I made my way to the next bus; the bus that would take me to the college, or at least that’s what Katie’s note said.

I found the bus and showed the driver my ticket. He smiled, which was nice, and I got on. This bus was considerably busier. There were no spare seats without someone next to them so I decided to stand, causing me to swerve all over the place as we turned the corners, and leading to more embarrassment.

Eventually, the bus rolled up outside the college and I felt the blood rush from my face. It was a huge, concrete building with hundreds of students going about their days. There was a long, paved walk to the entrance. A walk I didn’t want to face. Not with all of these people.

“You gettin’ off, Kid, or what?” the driver asked, noticing me staring at the school, a white-knuckle grip on the bar that held me up.

I gulped, “yeah, sorry.” For a second, I forgot to move. Scared stiff. Just as the driver sighed and was about to close the doors, I managed to move and get off of the bus.

I was then glued to the spot at the bus stop; too scared to take that walk to reception.

I somehow found the courage to move my feet, slowly edging forwards, trying to maintain my breathing. I kept my shaking hands secret by hiding them in my pockets, making desperate attempts to dry my eyes with my shoulders.

Out of nowhere, I heard laughing. Immediately assuming whoever it was was laughing at me, my head snapped towards the voices. My eyes met a group of about 7/8 kids. Their appearances were similar to my own; wearing mostly black, dark hair, dark eyes. Despite the similarities in dress, they did not seem... me. Fuck, they were laughing, one in particular was overly confident, they seemed happy.

One of them in particular caught my attention. He was loud, boisterous, centre of attention. From where I stood, he was cute but he was not my type. There was something about him that seemed so arrogant. He definitely loved himself. His mannerisms, the way he moved around as he spoke, ensuring he had all of them looking at him. I’m surprised the poor thing could see, considering the long, black hair that seemed to cover his eyes. He wore a tight, black shirt and black jeans that barely gave him room to breathe. But, even from here, I could see the dimples that graced his face and I found that attractive in all men, even the self-absorbed ones.

I swear I almost shit myself as I realised that one of the girls that had been sat on the bench was now stood next to me.

“Hey.. you a bit lost?” she smiled warmly.

I panicked. I couldn’t even form words; I just, kind’ve, muttered at her in complete bemusement.

She chuckled, “I’m Sam,” she smiled. She pointed to the group at the bench, “they’re my friends but we don’t have to talk to them yet; you can try and hide it but I can sense a panic attack from a mile away,” she smiled at me. Something about her bluntness made me feel immediately at ease, and I smiled in return. Her smile went from friendly to sympathetic, “you new? Want me to take you to reception and get you all signed in?” I nodded before following her to the building.

“Sucks, Ben. Sam’s got a new lesbian pal, looks like you shit out, mate!” one of the kids from the bench called, loud enough for Sam to hear, although I’m sure that was intentional. I was sure it was the kid that couldn’t see but I couldn’t be sure.

Sam turned towards them, though continued walking, just to flip them all off, causing an eruption of laughter. “Ignore them. They’re a bunch of dicks,” she smiled again.

“S’okay,” I barely said above a whisper.

“So, what’s ya name?” she asked, opening the door for me.

“Charlie. Sanders. Charlie Sanders,” I told her.

“Aaaah, okay,” she said just before she knocked on the office window to get the attention of the woman sat behind it.

“Yes, Samantha, what could I do for you this fine morning?” the woman said fairly sarcastically; as if Sam bothered her a lot.

“Nothing awful, I was just escorting a new pupil to you,” Sam smiled.

“Couldn’t they bring themselves?” the woman said quite bluntly, except this kind of blunt made me want to cry again, unlike Sam’s blunt that made me feel at ease.

“Well, no, they seemed pretty worked up and I wanted to help them out,” Sam said, a hint of anger in her tone which, again, made me feel at ease with her.

The woman sighed, “okay, Samantha, thank you,” she said, looking down at the papers on her desk and shuffling them.

Her head lifted, her wrinkled eyes looking over her black-rim glasses, “you must be Charlotte Sanders,” she told me.

“Yeah, yeah, I am,” I walked forward sheepishly, looking to Sam for support, which was given.

The women sighed again, “okay, come here,” she huffed.

I stepped forwards again, nervous. She looked at me as if to say ‘you really that kind of kid? The kid that doesn’t listen?’ or ‘you trying to be funny?’ y’know? Just, disappointed.

“Okay, this is your time-table and here is a map of the school,” she told me, handing me two sheets of paper,” your tutor is Mr. Beach, your teachers are Mr. Taylor for Graphics, Mrs. Archibald for Art, Mr. Swing for Geography and Mr. Tate for Biology. They’ve all been emailed of your arrival so they all know you’re joining their classes late. Have a nice time at Foxgrove,” she told me, bored, not once looking me in the eye.

“Don’t worry about her either. She’s an old-fashioned slug. You know like Roz from Monsters. Inc? She’s basically her,” Sam whispered to me so that the woman wouldn’t hear, making me genuinely laugh.

“Yeah, okay,” I smiled.

“Okay, so, what’s your first lesson?” she asked, taking the sheet from me. “Ace, you’ve got free period first, like me, I can show you around if you want?” Sam offered.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I grinned, just as the bell went off.

“Awesome.. Ben’ll be butthurt I’m not with him but he’s a big boy, he can deal.”

“Ben?” I queered, though I regretted it in fear of being a nosey parker, as per usual.

“Boyfriend,” she smirked, “anyway, less about me, more about you. Where are you from?” she asked as we started walking down the corridor, pausing as she pointed out different classrooms, people/teachers to look out for and toilets etc.

“I’m from Swindon, originally.. I’m staying in Dunnington though,” I told her.

“Aaaah, I knew you weren’t from round here. Swindon’s in the South, right? Wiltshire?” she asked and I nodded.

“Yep, it sucks camel cock,” I told her, putting her into fits of giggles.

“You’re cool; funny. You’ll fit in just fine,” she told me, still grinning, making me blush just a bit.

We carried on walking, her pointing out all of my classrooms as well as spots to avoid, along with teachers and toilet blocks etc. but also just...talking. She was cool. Not as I expected her to be; I was a lot of my normal self in her; she was blunt and rude, but caring and considerate at the same time. I could easily see her being a good friend to me.

“Sam,” a voice called, making us both turn around, “Sam.. Samantha.. I’m glad I caught you,” the much nicer, younger teacher said after smiling at me.

“Hey, miss, before you say; this is Charlie, I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be in our class,” Sam said, looking almost proud.

“Oh, lovely, well, I look forward to seeing you there,” she told me, smiling, before turning back to Sam. “Look, can I borrow you for a second? I need to ask you a few things about for coursework.”

Sam’s face dropped, I wasn’t sure what for but it seemed like she didn’t really wanna leave, “well, I was showing Charlie around, but...” she said, I assume in an attempt to get out of going, but the teacher’s face didn’t change. “Okay, um, Charlie, I’ll catch up with you later,” she smiled warmly, and I was sure she meant it too, but pretty quickly I was on my own again. Fucking great.


	4. Lesson 1

As Sam left, I had no idea what to do; I was a fish out of water. My heartbeat began to race again, my palms getting sweaty and my cheeks flushed. It was not a good idea to stand out in the hall on my own like a fucking lemon, so I headed for the toilets where I sat right up until the bell went. In honesty, it wasn’t making this panic attack any easier; it just gave me time to think about everything. How I was alone, how I knew no one, how I had to start afresh. Soon enough, the shrill of the bell echoed through the large, girls’ bathroom making my heart skip a few beats; catching me off guard.

I stood up from the toilet seat, getting my map out of my bag and cross referencing it with my planner, working out where I had to go for my first proper lesson. I left the room, bumping in to some well preened girls, dropping my self-esteem to the floor. I turned right and started heading down the well-light corridor full of people. It took me no longer than 3 minutes to find the art and design department (I had a fairly good sense of direction after looking after myself for so long.)

The corridor was dark, but cosy; a warm, orange hue flooding the cramped space. It calmed my nerves; there weren’t that many people around; I’m guessing about 10-15 kids per class which was spot on.

I found my class; opposite of my art one, I found, and stood outside waiting behind the class of people.

“Alright, peeps! Roll on in!” a man with an extremely impressive moustache rushed past me, the class, and into the room. I suppose he was Mr. Taylor.

Eventually, the class got in and settled while I got that panicking/fish-out-of-water feeling again.

“Aaaahr, you must be Charlie,” the guy with the outstanding tash smiled at me, “I’m Mr. Taylor, the 2D graphics and product design teacher here at Foxgrove, but you ought to call me Sean,” he grinned... but since when did you call teachers by their first names? Fuck sake, it would’ve been nice to have been taught that before I left school, not in my first lesson of college. “Now, most kids do have partners in here but you seem pretty independent. There’s a table at the front their just near my desk,” he pointed to a desk just a few steps away and handed me a huge, A3 folder, “and that’ll be your coursework. Now, you are starting late so you’ll have a bit of catching up to do, but judging by your GCSE results, you’ll be just fine,” he smiled one last time, turning to the class and beginning his lesson.

I made my way to the table and sat at the stool, flicking through the pages absentmindedly before Sean came back and handed me a sheet containing the years syllabus, a list of things I had to do for coursework and talked me through it all.

“Aaah, Mr Worsnop,” Sean looked over his shoulder once he’d finished explaining to me, eyeing the fucking arrogant kid from the bench; walking in 20 minutes late to class. This kid definitely was not me. “How lovely it is of you to grace us with your presence,” Sean continued, making the class sneer, though ‘Mr.Worsnop’ took it in his stride and actually bowed to everyone. Prick. “You’ve got a new partner now. Hopefully she’ll lead a good example and motivate you to actually do something in these lessons,” he nodded towards me.

The kid named Worsnop grunted, dragging his feet before lifting his head and looking at me dead in the eye. His gloomy, fed up face lifting into a smile. Shit, he’s cute; the bright eyes, dark hair, and dimples that matched my own. But fuck sake, Charlie, he’s bad news. You know it.

Danny’s POV

“Worsnop! Put that cigarette out and get to class.. NOW!” the bitch from Hell hollered from the other side of the courtyard.

“Why? It’s only fucking graphics. It’s not like I’m going to be doing anything in graphics when I get out of here,” I shouted back at her, pressing my cigarette butt into the pavement as she walked towards me.

“Watch your language-“

“You can’t see words, Miss, you’re a smart girl; you should know that,” I smirked at her, anticipating her reaction.

“Don’t be so damn pedantic, Danny. Now, move on before I have to put you in the behavioural unit. Again,” she told me, finally fed up with me; another point to me.

I sighed heavily before turning on my heels and heading the opposite direction.

“Danny..” she called, her tone sounding as if she knew something. Arrogant.

“What?” I called, not turning back.

“That’s the way to the back gate, isn’t it? Come on, you’re a smart boy, get to class,” she started patronising, ending angry, causing me to stop dead in my tracks. Fucking busted.

I turned on the spot, again, walking towards the art block, doing my best to avoid another run in with her.

“Thank you,” she called, more patronising, as I entered the building on the other side.

I barged into the graphics room where Sean had already started the class... 20 minutes ago.

“Aaah, Mr Worsnop,” he addressed me, without even looking at me yet.“How lovely it is of you to grace us with your presence,” he turned from talking to some kid, smirking while the rest of the arty-farty dipshits sneered at me. I wasn’t gonna take that, so, how do we deal with twats? Rub it in their faces. Of course, I bowed; that shut them up. “You’ve got a new partner now. Hopefully she’ll lead a good example and motivate you to actually do something in these lessons,” he motioned towards the kid he blocked my view from.. wait.. she?!

He moved as I grunted at the sheer thought of having to sit next to someone in these lessons, until I got a look at her. She wasn’t my usual type; if anything, she was more Ben’s type for God’s sake. It wasn’t a secret I liked women; what crazy bastard doesn’t?! I tended to go for the easy types; y’know the ones, fake as fuck; ready for it. This girl though, she was definitely different. She looked more like one of the crew than a girlfriend. I won’t deny she’s cute though; bright red hair; a similar style to mine just longer, dark eyeliner that made her hazel eyes really stand out and dimples that were clear even when she wasn’t smiling. I didn’t mind sharing half an hour with this one.

I shuffled over, slipping my rucksack off of my shoulder and onto the floor as I took the stool next to her, making her flinch. Jesus, don’t be so forceful on this one, Dan, she’s scared.

“Danny... Danny!” Sean called, breaking me out of the accidental fixation on her. “Where’s your coursework?” he asked, pissed at me for something.

“I dunno,” I shrugged, leaning into my bag and picking out a pencil and pad.

He sighed, “alright, Charlie would you mind just lending Danny a page or two from the back of your sketchbook. He should have his book tomorrow,” he emphasising the ‘should’ to ensure I got the picture.

“Sure,” the girl named ‘Charlie’ squeaked in an accent that was not from here, smiling lightly, showing off them damn dimples, handing me a sheet of her paper.

I caught myself staring at her again as she watched Sean at the head of class, explaining something I couldn’t give two shits about. There was something certainly different about her; she wanted to be in this class. She was an arty-farty dipshit. That doesn’t happen. Kids like us aren’t interested in school, or at least the ones I know definitely aren’t. I was torn away from my thoughts as she caught me staring, her face changing from somewhat relaxed to panicky. Was that me? Probably. Did I mean to? For once, no.

I decided I couldn’t just sit here and watch her; that’s not how I role. I talk to her. I began scribbling in my notepad, catching her attention, causing her to look at me like I was insane... I’m suppose that is valid.

I began my message to her:

D: Hey ;)

I nudged it towards her, making her jump a little which was kind of cute in a weird, not soppy way... She looked at me sceptically, making me regret sending her anything. That subsided as she very subtly smiled as she reached into her pencil case to grab herself a pen.

C: Hey

She pushed it back, pretending as if nothing had happened and continued listening to Sean. It made me smirk; she wants to talk, she just doesn’t wanna get caught.

D: How come ive not seen you here before?

I slid the sheet to her, waiting patiently while she scribbled her reply. She seemed cautious to answer, her body language changed completely; touchy subject maybe.

C: Moved up here

Was all she put, leaving me with more questions than answers.

D: Not local then?

C: no, Swindon

Where the fuck was Swindon? I wondered, squinting, making her giggle (causing little butterflies to rupture from deep within me, that had never happened before, what the fuck?) and she pulled the sheet back to explain.

C: Geog not your strong point?

She passed me the sheet, suppressing a smirk, looking back to me once I’d read the note. I shook my head; I really wasn’t good at knowing where places were. She laughed this time, making me laugh too; I was getting to her and if not to have sex with, just as a friend; she seemed alright.

“Now, as glad as I am to see you two getting along so swimmingly, I’d much rather you didn’t pass notes during my class,” Sean called, giving us the eye. I snorted, dude didn’t scare me, and I looked back at Charlie to see her mortified. She clearly wasn’t used to getting told off; her head was basically stuffed into her sketchbook and her eyes were wide; her face, white.

I contemplated what to do next; she didn’t seem overly comfortable with much physical contact, judging by the way she shuffled away when I sat next to her; to be fair, she didn’t seem very keen on starting over somewhere new, and I didn’t blame her really. I decided to just nudge my arm against hers; that’s supposed to comforting, right? At first, she looked even more mortified but as I smiled at her, she blushed a bit and leant back into me, much to my surprise.

She started writing on the note again:

C: its in the South

She passed back to me, deadpan expression which I had no hope in reading.

“Aaaah,” I hummed. I guess it’s in Summerset somewhere but as I say, places aren’t my strongpoint.

D: wuu2 later?

I passed it to her, making her body immediately pull away from mine and straighten up; worry again; another touchy subject? Jesus.

C: home

She shoved the paper to me; clearly I’d managed to piss her off, for God’s sake. She wasn’t going to be as easy to get to hang out with me as I was beginning to think.

D: we and some friends are gonna hang

I offered her the sheet. She glanced at it, but looked away making me aggravated.

D: youre welcome to join

I tried again but she repeated her actions, only this time it looked as if she could cry for some unknown reason.

D: samll be there

I tried one last time to persuade her, trying to gage her emotions as she had her back to me; I knew she liked Sam and, thank fuck, she finally took the paper, though she wasn’t comfortable. She pulled her fingers through her long, cherry hair, scratching at her scalp, before rubbing her hands over her face and writing on the paper.

C: its really not my thing...

I read the note and, again, was left with even more questions. What was up with this chick? One minute she’s fine and laughing, suddenly she cuts me out.

D: why not?

She sighed heavily as she wrote her reply, her thighs shaking like no tomorrow. I noticed it as a panic attack; I got them from time to time. I took the piece of paper back.

D: what if its just us?

That’s when she lost it. She sighed heavily ‘oh, God’ as she started focusing on her breathing. Shit, Danny. What the fuck did you do that for? She seemed alright. A**** on fucking it up.

Instantly the bell rang and she was up, off of that stool and out of the classroom like a blot of fucking lightening. FUCK.


	5. Lesson 2

Charlie’s P.O.V.

I moved out of that classroom as fast as my legs could possibly take me. There was no way I was going to be alone with him; I knew what he wanted and I was in no way prepared to give it to him. I’m sure he’s used to getting girls to just sleep with him: giving them that cute, dimpled smile, a wink, smooth talking; it probably got every girl he saw soaking wet, but not me. My heart beat faster and my palms started to sweat, eyes starting to water. I barged my way through the corridors until I found a bathroom, opening up the cubicle and closing the door.

It was break time and I usually brought a banana or something to eat to school but today, after this morning’s accident, I really didn’t feel like eating anything. Instead, I decided to stick my earphones in and block out the noisy powder puffs in the bathroom with me.

Soon enough, the bell rang for 3rd period. I quickly left the cubicle and restroom, making my way back to the art department where Sam already stood having her face sucked off my a guy that I vaguely recognised from the bench. He had long, shaggy, brown hair and an old, worn leather jacket that hung off of his tall, slim frame.

“Oooh, Charlie, good to see you! This is Ben,” Sam gleamed, tugging away from the male and pointing her arms toward him as if he was some special prize. I must have looked pretty out of it as she went on to reiterate that he was the boyfriend, which I then understood.

The strange-kind-of-cute kid then looked at me, smiling politely and waving a little. “Hey, nice to meet ya,” he offered his hand which I shook lightly.

“Mr. Bruce, where are you supposed to be? You’re not an artist,” a low, female voice boomed from behind me, causing a sly, cheeky kind of smirk to play on Ben’s lips at he met eyes with the teacher.  
“Sure, I am, miss.. I draw a mighty-fine scrotum, don’t you know,” he grinned making everyone in earshot laugh, including me.

“Funny kid. Get to class,” the woman told him sternly, though she too had a small smirk as she watched him kiss Sam lightly, wave goodbye to me and walk off down the corridor to his next lesson. Sam seemed to be transfixed as she watched Ben walk away, a stupid big grin on her face as she exhaled lightly. She was watching for so long that the booming teacher left and the art teacher, Mrs. Archibald, had entered the class and allowed the students in. In the end I had to tap her out of her trance...

“Sorry, daydreaming... oh, shit, we’ve gone in,” she said very quickly, leaving me at the entrance and following her in.

“Okaay..” Mrs. Archibald started, “we’ve got a new student with us today. Her name is Charlie, be nice to her,” she directed the class. “Charlie, I’ll be over to speak with you in a sec, I’ll just get everyone started,” she smiled nicely as she began instructing the class on what to do.

“Hey, was Danny in graphics with you?” Sam asked fairly out of the blue.

I went rigid for a second before answering her, “yeah, why?”

“I just wondered; he doesn’t go to graphics much,” she said, absentmindedly drawing in her sketchbook.

“So, Charlie, I’m Susan and I’m going to be teaching you art,” Mrs. Archibald spoke. “Here’s your sketchbook,” she handed me a giant A3 book, “and our first project is on the natural form. We’ll be looking at skulls, plants, insects as well as humans,” she informed, “you can start with just doing a mind map off all the things you think will be included. Don’t forget colour and little sketches.. anything that reminds you of the natural world, okay?” she finished, letting me get on with my work after I nodded.

What Sam had said about Danny never being in class intrigued me somehow. In ways, I could believe it; he was one of those kids that didn’t give a shit about school and turned up 20 minutes late to class... but then again, when he was first speaking to me he seemed okay.. then it took a turn for the worst. I simply didn’t know what to make of it, so I asked her:

“How come Danny’s never in class then?” I asked, quickly sketching a ram’s skull in the front of my book.

“Smoking, drinking, screwing girls,” Sam spoke calmly as if this was a completely natural, normal thing. Though, for sure, my worst fears were confirmed. He was the prick that just wants in every girls pants.”He’s nuts,” she chuckled, continuing. “He’s a little off the rails but he’s funny.. and his heart’s in the right place, y’know” she smiled, “he’s alright. Everyone just thinks he’s a prick when they first see him because to anyone that isn’t his friend, he kinda is. You’ve just got to get to know him; that’s just Danny...” Well, that made me feel a little more at ease; maybe he was just looking to be friends? “How come?” she asked, looking at me puzzled. My cheeks flushed and I stuttered me words, making her smirk. “You like him??” her smirk grew into a full-on Joker’s grin.

“No, no, nothing like that... I mean.. he asked if I wanted to hang out.. and he’s kind’ve cute but... no, nothing,” I stammered, focusing on my drawing to avoid eye contact.

“Aww, you should come hang with us!” Sam said sweetly, watching me, “it’ll be fun!”

“Nooo, no.. it’s not my thing...” I tried to convince her as she continued to plead.

I sighed heavily as she was giving me the puppy-dog eyes and quivering her bottom lip, begging for me to join her, “fine, as long as you stay with me; I’d rather not shit my pants in terror in front of new people,” I said sternly while she squealed and jumped up and down on her stool, causing the desk to rock.

“It’ll be fine! I’ll stay with you the whole time; we’ll just be drinking and messing about.. just hanging! You’ll fit right in, I promise!” she said excitedly, continuing with her work.

“Wait, drinking?” I queried.

“Yeah, why?... don’t tell me you’ve never really drunk?” she said, sloping her shoulders making me feel slightly uneasy, was that really what I had to do to get some friends? Get pissed and smoke? Jesus, I’d rather not.

“Yeah, I drink.. I just don’t know you guys and I don’t know how safe that shit is...” I said honestly, though slightly embarrassed.

“No, don’t worry! We’ll only have a few. It’s more of a social thing on school nights anyway, especially for us girls. The guys aren’t that bothered but I’d rather not be hung-over during maths, thank you very much,” Sam said, looking out at whatever Susan was demonstrating to another pupil.

“Yeah, same as that,” I smiled weakly, feeling more at ease knowing that at least Sam would be somewhat sober with me.

“So, does that mean you’ll come?” she smiled lightly, looking over at me briefly to watch my reaction.

“Fuck it, yeah, why not,” I spoke, startled that I’d actually agreed to it. This was not my thing. I was never the kid that went out and got drunk with friends; I was the kid that did their work and sat at home alone every night. But hey, new town, new me, right?

“Fuck yeah,” Sam called, high-fiving me just as the bell sounded for lunch. “Right, I gotta meet some teachers this lunch, I’ll speak to you later though, yeah?” she said, collecting her things and standing up.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you out the front,” I smiled at her, saying our goodbyes before she left the room. From then it was me, myself and I for the rest of the day. Good job I had Biology and then English with Sam this afternoon; it was shaping up to be a good one, surprisingly.


	6. New Friends?

After lessons, me and Sam met up with the rest of her friends at the bench in the front of campus. I was a heck of a lot more comfortable with her now after spending English with her, though I had decided I was going to drop Biology; it was much too difficult and there was no way I was going to be able to get to where I wanted to be with that.

“So, who’s this, Sam?” the overly tall, dark and handsome friend asked, springing me out of my daydream.

“She’s Charlie. She’s new so be nice,” Sam told him as she continued to drape herself over the boyfriend.

“Nice, I’m Cam,” he smiled, which made me smile.

“Nice to meet you,” I said, sticking my hand out for a shake like some twat. He was gracious about my idiocy though; he chuckled, smiled and shook my hand.

“Nice to meet you too.”

It was then that the kid called Danny came into earshot, his arrogant laughter booming. I felt myself go rigid, pushing my hands deep into my jacket pockets, trying to make myself look as small as possible to avoid attracting attention. Sam noticed it and came away from Ben to stand next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders to comfort me, which I appreciated.

As he came into view, I could see he had two skinny girls hanging from him. He smiled that adorable smile, until it seemed that he recognised me. It seemed to drop, which I almost felt bad for. He gulped before speaking to the entire group, “so, who’s ready to get fuckin’ wasted?!” He screamed, earning cheers from everyone except nervous little me.

We started walking to the back of the campus, ducking through a small gap in a fence that led down a residential street. Everyone was busy chatting and laughing, including me as I spoke to Sam, Ben and occasionally Cam and other Sam. I was also introduced into James, the skinny girls Beth and Jess, Cam and James’ girls Kylie and Hannah and Sam’s girlfriend Brittany. They all seemed sweet enough and it was a good time.

Eventually, we got to the local park and the bottles started popping. Everyone was drinking, generally the guys more than the girls. They were pissing about, wrestling, flirting, drinking. Danny seemed to keep his distance, which I was kinda glad for; he was getting on my nerves and making me more uncomfortable than I’d care to admit. Anyway, he was too busy sucking on the skinny bitches he brought along, as was pretty much everyone else, in that they were all coupled up and making out. It hurt a little, being ignored, but then I liked being the anonymous in the crowd; no one paid attention to me and I didn’t have to engage which was perfectly fine with me.

I’d had more than just a few and the sun had gone down hours ago. The girls, including myself, were sat under the trees while the guys were competing, betting on who could climb the highest tree. That competition turned into who could break the branch of the tree. The wood creaked and croaked, slowly breaking. I suddenly became more aware of my surroundings as local residence’s back lights turned on, flashlights scouring the park for signs of our life, local dogs barking at the racket we were making. The rest of the group seemed used to it, even laughing at the hollers from previously sleeping citizens.

Before long, the sound of sirens echoed through the trees and everyone leapt to their feet, scattering. Completely bemused, I remained on the floor. Everything happened so fast. Before I even knew what was happening, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around my waist, lifting me to my feet, grabbing my hand and dragging me across the mossy, wet grass to the other side of the park, away from the apparent police that were chasing us.

The fear that had first entangled me contorted into excitement, the tears turning from those of anxiety into those of laughter...fun. The entire experience was so new and exhilarating to me that I barely recognised myself.

It must have been about 20 minutes of straight running before my accomplice figured it was safe to stop.

“Holy shit” Holy SHIT! That was fucking MAD! Holy. Shit. What the fuck?! Man, that was a lot of fun,” I babbled, trying to regain my breath.

“Jeez, you really don’t get out much, do you?”

It was then that I realised who my accomplice was. Danny. My entire expression changed; I’d actually found myself alone with this pussy-addict, no thanks to all those fucking beers I’d had!

“No. I don’t get out much. I told you that this morning,” I told him abruptly.

“Woah, what happened to ‘holy fuck, that was a lot of fun’?” He queried, stepping closer, causing me to take a step back.

“I realised I was with you,” which was harsh even by my own standards.

“Look, I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable this morning, or this evening, but if I hadnt’ve picked you up, you’d be in custody right now for damaging public property and no one would have wanted t see that happen, especially to the new kid,” he said what seemed fairly sincerely.

“Not even as some fucked up initiation?” I wondered; from what I knew, kids like these had strange rituals before you joined them.

“Who the fuck do you think we are?” he giggled, flashing me the cutest set of dimples, “we’re not some mad, sheep killing cult; we’re just a bunch of kids looking for freedom,” he smiled, laughing at my naivety.

“That sounded very profound,” I tried to not let my smile show, but I knew my dimples would give it away.

He took another step closer and smiled again. “It is. We’re very profound people,” he pushed out his chest to make him seem bigger, making me laugh at his naivety.

“You don’t even go to classes, you’re everything but profound.”

“Okay, yeah, I was never good at school and it sounded fancy. I don’t fucking know what it means,” he giggled along with me, “you’re clearly smarter than all of us. It’s a wonder that you fit in so well.”

“You think I fit in?” A spark tingled in me that I never knew before; this sense of acceptance that was strange for me.

“Sure; you’re into the same music, humour... you’re fucking funny,” he grinned, looking into my eyes with something I could only describe as love... or adoration but that made no sense so I was probably just reading it wrong in my drunken state.

“How do you know we’re into the same stuff? You’ve kept your distance all night,” I told him, somewhat deflated.

“I was always listening. You interest me more than any one of them do... I only kept my distance after I upset you earlier today,” my heart swelled in emotion as I found myself liking this kid even more. I felt like no one ever saw this side of him and I was honoured that he was showing it to me. I was starting to get what Sam meant by having to get to know him; his heart is in the right place. “I am really sorry about what happened this morning; I recognised that panic attack and I carried on anyway, I was just so intri-“

Stopping him mid-sentence I did something I never even imagined myself doing, even drunk. The first kiss was quick and short, followed by a much deeper, more emotional kiss that lasted much longer. The well of emotions shocked me into sobriety, causing me to realise what an idiot I was being. I met this guy barely 12 hours ago and we’re already face sucking?! This was not me. He was a bad influence; this is what he wanted from the start; he just wanted sex. He was sweet talking to get to me, confuse me, especially while I’m drunk.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I said quickly, turning on my heels and heading away as quickly as possible. He took hold of my arm, trying to persuade me to take me home but there was no way in Hell that was happening. I shrugged him off, punching him square in the face before running to the closest bus stop, getting on, and getting home. What a fresh start this is.


	7. Coming Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING

TRIGGER WARNING: if you're at all uncomfortable with issues containing elements of self-harm, please please please skip this chapter.

 

I woke suddenly, gasping for breath. Cold sweat dripped from my hot skin, causing my body to shake. The fear of the nightmare brought on immediate tears, the salty drops falling off of my nose, sliding into my open mouth. The taste was horrid; warm and full of reminders of my pain. It was still dark outside and the room felt even colder and emptier than it had when I got in. I checked my phone on the bed-side table: 3:40AM. Great. I pulled my bare legs to my chest in an attempt to rid the sudden feeling of utter futility.

The slight moonlight caught the uneven skin of my left forearm as I wrapped it around my knees; the scar tissue being illuminated. It was then that the urge broke. The swell of pointlessness, loneliness, uselessness, hatred, anger rose in my gut, spilling out of my eyes; streaming down my cheeks, but it wasn't enough. The small leak of emotion wasn't enough to rid the pressure that I felt beneath my skin. I could’ve sworn I was going to explode, but it wasn’t a feeling that I was new to; my arm could’ve told you that.

I kept trying to tell myself that I didn’t need to; that I was better than the blade, that being here in York was a new start and should be my place to recover, but the spurring bulge of sensation was too strong to fight. I found myself unwillingly stumbling to the bathroom, clumsily pushing around my once organised things in a desperate search for my trusted friend.

The pressure built further as I struggled to find the old razor. I desperately looked around to try and find an alternative, my eyes finding my 4 blade shaving razor. In my perilous anger, I took the razor from the shelf in the shower cubicle, doing all I could to remove the blades from the casings. My fingers stung as I tried to tear the guarding with my hands. Once I realized the sink was already lined with my blood, I started slamming the razor head onto the side of the bowl, chipping at the old porcelain, the plastic falling from the metal.

Finally, I had my instrument.

After almost 30 minutes of rabid hunting, my 30 second relief came. The skin split and the emotional build-up poured from my body just as the blood did.

I stood, numb, for what felt like forever, watching the blood continue to pour into the rose bowl. I hated myself for what I did; it was always the case after times like this. I only wish I was strong enough to fight the urge, but I never was. The harder I tried, the harder life hit, knocking me right back to the bathroom sink, every time leaving me empty and numb.

Eventually, I came out of my trance, moving to the kitchen to find the first aid kit, patching the cuts and bandaging them up. The entire experience had exhausted me and I found myself about to pass out. Luckily, I made it to the living room and onto the sofa, turning on the TV and watching the early morning cartoons. The fuzzy, dead feeling didn’t last long though as my eyelids finally felt heavy and dropped, causing me to drift back into a deep sleep, leaving the mornings horrors behind, for now.


	8. Day 2: Part 1

The stinging in my forearm and the bright morning sun woke me from my resting place on the front room couch. I rolled around uncomfortably until I could bear to open my eyes. Once my eyes were open I discovered where it was the stinging came from. Memories came rushed back then when I realised what I’d done. 

Tears lightly pricking my eyes, I rolled off the sofa and stood up in one swift movement, heading towards the bedroom, only to stumble after a few steps and fall to the floor. I must’ve lost more blood than I thought... I stayed on the floor for a while, allowing the blood to circulate back to my brain.

Once I felt stable, I made my way to the back room to get ready for college. I checked the time and realised I was only 2 hours late... shit. For a moment I panicked, knowing that I was missing an Art lesson this morning, the panic soon subsided though as I let myself off for being late after the nights events.

I allowed myself time to change into something comfortable; a pair of light grey sweatpants, a long sleeved black top and a red and black flannel shirt. I slipped on my black trainers and grabbed my bag and a quick bite to eat. I slowly made my way to the bus stop and into the city centre.

I got onto campus at around 12 noon, doing my best to avoid the bench, though I did fail. Sam came bounding up to me, stopping me in my tracks.

“Hey! What happened to you? We were so worried you’d been taken in?” she pleaded.

“Really? You got away pretty quick,” I said, spitefully; I can’t say I wasn’t angry.

“What do you mean by that?” Sam replied, a little hurt at my tone.

“Well, you didn’t exactly take the time to look back,” I told her, quietly, feeling somewhat bad for being so harsh.

Her face dropped, realising her mistake, “look, Charlie, I’m sorry-“ she began.

“Save it. I’m not interested in what you have to say.” I said, coldly, before starting to walk away. She didn’t chase after me, which both hurt me and made me glad; I wanted her to care, I wanted her to be my friend, but she’d hurt me and, after last night, I just wanted to be on my own.

I made my way to the student information desk in the reception area and spoke to one of the guidance councillors about changing courses. It was a swift and easy process; all I had to do was get conformation from the course leaders of my old course and new course. Luckily, I had a bit of time over the lunch break to get it done and, although I was nervous about asking them, I was glad to be out of biology. It also meant that I didn’t have to go to biology next period; I was allowed to go straight in and join my new media studies class. They were a bunch of geeks. Cool geeks. Obsessed with film, which I loved; being a self professed horror-nut, myself, I felt like I fit in immediately. 

After the lesson ended, there was still no way I wanted to find Sam and her friends. I needed a new ‘spot.’ I had one at school; a place where no one I knew would bother me; no one even knew it was there; a place I could go when I got angry and upset, when I needed space.

I worked my way across the field where other groups of friends were relaxing; playing football, watching the clouds, gossiping. I ignored them all and went to the furthest point of the grounds to an old oak tree. This was the new spot. It stood in a row of trees that lined this side of the campus, a lot like my old school. It was shady and far away from any other students; it was quiet; just a low buzz of action from towards the buildings were heard. 

I’d been sat there maybe 20 minutes just doodling in one of my many sketchpads before a body came and sat next to me. Great.

“Hey, they’re awesome,” a male pointed out.

“Thanks,” I replied, sheepishly.

“I really hope you’re planning on making a living out of that; they look amazing,” he told me, leaning in for a closer looks.

I smiled lightly, handing him the book, “yeah, I’m not entirely sure what I want to do yet but drawing’s got to be involved,” I chuckled, unexpectedly enjoying the company.  
“That’s great. You’re into Lord of the Rings too, right?” he asked as I recognised who he was; it was one of the guys in my media class. He was cute; messy, brown hair, glasses, Harry Potter shirt. He was the kind of guy I’d try with back at home. He felt like home to me, despite the vibrant northern accent.

We were there laughing and talking for another couple of minutes before his phone started going off, telling him that he had a lesson. It reminded me I had a lesson also and we walked together to the buildings.

Once in the design block, I realised the rest of the class had already gone in. My heart beat faster and my palms sweat as I opened the closed door into a full class. Tears quickly sprung to my eyes as I apologised quietly and ran to my stool, thankful that Danny had decided not to turn up to lesson. 

Eventually, Sean came over to speak to me. “Hiya, Charlie, no Danny today?”

I squirmed at the mention of his name. “Nope,” I smiled lightly.

“You got any idea where he is? Susan, your art teacher, says you and Sam are pretty friendly already and I noticed you and him talking yesterday.”

“No idea; we’re really not that close...” I assured him.

I noticed him look down at the desk, worry lining his features. “Are you okay?” he asked, leaning in, placing his hand on my hand. 

He’d seen my bandages over my wrist, covered in blood. I swiftly dragged my sleeves back down my arms and pulled away. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Charlie-“

“I’m fine,” I looked him in the eye this time, causing him to back away, getting the message.

“Well, I’m here if you need it,” he smiled sympathetically before leaving me to get on with my work in peace. Though, the longer I sat there, the more the dark thoughts and slowly but surely, the tears began to build up in my eyes once again.

Luckily, everyone seemed to ignore me and as there wasn’t much time left in lesson, as soon as I could leave, I ran. Tears streamed the faster I moved further across the campus. I felt so damn weak, so useless. The last thing I wanted to do was to be at this damn college a moment longer, but just as I reached the pavement off the school grounds, something strong took a hold of my forearm, causing me to scream, letting the tears fall faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys, thanks so much for reading this so far! I know it's a bit of a slow-ish one so far but it means the world to me that theres someone out there enjoying my stuff! So, yeah, thank you! X  
> Nat


	9. Day 2: Part 2

Danny’s POV

I held her against my chest as she broke apart in my arms. The tears fells so hard and fast that it soaked my shirt. She shook, her knees weakening as her struggle ended and she let herself succumb to my hold. My arms kept her up as her legs gave way, allowing her to lean into me. My head rested on the crest of hers, making eye contact with Sam who looked both sympathetic and guilty. 

Once she calmed down a little bit, I spoke to her, “look, let me take you home,” I rose her head to bring her eyes to mine.

“No, it’s fine, I can’t let you do that,” she shook off the offer, wiping her tears with her sleeves and breathing deeply.

“Why not?” I asked, getting her to look at me again, only to have her pull herself away.

“I’m better off on my own.”

“Really? Because after what I’ve just seen, I’d be scared to leave you alone,” I told her sincerely. She looked at me confused, as if trying to figure me out, like she thinks that I’ve got some ulterior motive. “Anyway, I think we need to talk.” Her face dropped to the floor in what I can only describe as realisation, I went to hold he shoulder to comfort her, “let me take you home. I’ll get some food on the way, on me,” I smiled trying to persuade her.

“Fine. Only for the food,” she said, looking up.

I smiled widely, “that’s fine with me,” I told her as she matched my grin.

She was quiet and absent the entire way back to hers. She lived in this tiny old people village on the outskirts of the city. She showed me to the local chippy where we bought our fish, chips and her beans, which made her smile briefly. I’d tried to make conversation, only to be met by one-word-answers and grunts. Good job she was so cute because otherwise I would’ve given up on this one a while ago.

Anyway, we got back to the bungalow and she still wasn’t paying me any real attention; I got major ‘leave me alone’ vibes but after what I’d seen with her recently, there was no way I was leaving until I knew for certain that she was going to be okay. I mean, I didn’t care about her or nothing, I just didn’t want the guilty conscience, y’know?...

“So, where are your parents?” I asked as I dropped my bag on the countertop and plate up the bags of food.

“I don’t have any parents,” she told me abruptly. Not gonna lie, I was pretty taken aback. We’d only known each other a few days and then that bombshell drops? She’s gonna be a lot harder work than I’d already guessed she would be.

“Oh cool, I wish I could get my parents off my back,” I joked probably a little too unsympathetically.

She didn’t respond for a while and I finished plating up. I walked through the door out the kitchen where I was met with a large dining table to my left and a home bar slightly to my right. “Awesome! You’ve got your own bar!” I cheered, checking out all the heavy spirits she had stacked up before she spoke again. 

“It’s not mine. Don’t touch it,” she said bluntly from behind the sofa on my right. There was a huge, arched doorway separating the dining room and bar from the living space. A three man sofa faced out of the window, it’s back to the dining area. I guessed she was led there.

“Aaah,” I whispered, somewhat defeated; I didn’t let many people that weren’t my parents get me down but Jesus this girl was a mood killer. 

I put her food on the coffee table and sat in the chair to the left of the sofa she was led on. There was one more sofa in the room that was against the wall to our right. It probably fit about two people, but there was a big, green bean bag in the room too for another person to sit.

The TV was in the left corner of the room, next to the large, bay window that almost spread the entire way across the front of the bungalow. She was watching some kids’ cartoons that made me smile; I guess she was still a bit of a kid at heart.

Saying that, I didn’t always watch kids TV and I didn’t recognise whatever it was she was watching. As I dived in to the fatty take-out, I let my eyes wander around the room. There was travelling memorabilia everywhere. Authentic African masks, drinks mats, figurines, artwork from all around the world. She was, or her family were, seemingly pretty well travelled.

I decided travelling might be a nice, positive conversation with her; if she loved the idea of travelling as much as I did anyway, “so, you travel a lot?”

“No. It’s not my stuff,” she hadn’t even looked at the plate of food in front of her and here she was again with the short, moody answers. She must’ve been pretty uncomfortable with me to seem this pissed. I didn’t really understand why; I’d only ever been nice to her, and that’s not exactly always that common with me. She should be grateful.

“So, who’s is it?” I tried again, trying not to lose hope.

“It’s a long story.”

“Maybe I want to hear it,” I tried again, getting angrier with each blunt tone.

”Trust me, you don’t.”

Look, I’m really trying here-“

“I never asked you,” for the first time the entire afternoon, she finally looked at me dead in the eyes but with no emotion.

“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth. I shot up towards her. She put her arm up to block me. I held her arm to move her away, but the immediate hissing stopped me in my tracks.  
It was then that I guess I realised why she’d been such a mood killer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry it's been a little while since the last update, guys! Hope you're all still enjoying things! Love, Nat! x


End file.
